Never Say Never
by Rosie.Bell
Summary: He thought she was alone, thought she didn't have anyone worth loving, staying with. He had no idea. She can never let him go. N/M
1. Chapter 1

**This is a songfic for "Never Say Never" by The Fray. It'll a little OOC, and this chapter is only half of the song... The next, if you want me to continue, will be the other half. Oh, and it was supposed to be in the Romantic genre between Natalie and Monk... but it just didn't work. Sad. **

**Enjoy, mon cheries. **

**Natalie POV.**

It was completely random, out of the blue, when he'd said it.

"You never talk about Mitch."

I, alarmed, looked up from the ironing board I'd been using.

_There's some things we don't talk about  
Rather do without  
And just hold the smile_

"Of course I talk about Mitch," I said, as if Mr. Monk were being absurd. I bit my lip, and looked down at the skirt I was ironing. I tried to remember the last time I'd actually honestly talked about Mitch. How long had it been? Some things were better left unsaid, pain was better unremembered.

I took a deep breath, and set aside the hot iron, and looked up at Mr. Monk. "How about some lunch?" I asked, smiling.

Mr. Monk frowned as I hung the skirt neatly on the back of my sofa, and walked into the kitchen. I heard his footsteps falling in behind me.

"Honestly, Natalie," he said, standing beside me at the refrigerator. "Don't you still love him?"

_Falling in and out of love  
Ashamed and proud of  
Together all the while_

Normally, I probably would have chided Mr. Monk for asking personal questions like that. Anything else, he could ask, and I would be fine with it… but why this? Why now?

"Mr. Monk," I said, opening the fridge, "I… I do still love him." I stood idly in front of the opened doors. "But… but he's gone. He's dead." I faced Mr. Monk. "And it still hurts," I whispered. Tears suddenly sprung behind my eyes. "Crap," I muttered, turning away, leaving the doors open, and Mr. Monk silent.

I pressed the backs of my hands on my closed eyes. I wondered how Mr. Monk could do it; he always talked about Trudy, and as emotional as he got, it seemed simple to him… like he could talk about her like she was still a part of him and his daily life.

I felt Mr. Monk's hand on my back. "Natalie," he said softly. "You don't have to be embarrassed to admit that you still love him, even if he is gone, even if you think you shouldn't." I sniffed, trying to control my tears. "Something I've learned, as unfortunate and ridiculous my experiences have been, is that you'll always have the person you love with you. Dead or not." He snorted. "Like I could give the right advice here."

And he let his hand fall, and walked away.

I turned to face him, but he was standing in the living room doorway, his back to me.

_You can never say never  
Why we don't know when  
Time and time again  
Younger now than we were before_

"Everyone tells me to move on," he said softly; I had to strain to hear his low voice. "But she was my _wife." _I realized that he was talking about Trudy after a moment. He turned to face me. "I love her." At that moment, I felt as if Mr. Monk and I could honestly relate.

"Oh, Mr. Monk," I said. "I know just how you feel." Mr. Monk looked sad, broken. His head twitched to the side, his shoulder rolling upward- a look I'd learned either meant that he wanted to do something, but simply wouldn't allow himself, or that he was uncomfortable.

"Have you?"

"Have I what, Mr. Monk?"

He looked at me, an unreadable expression on his face. "Moved on? From when Mitch died?"

I bit my lip. "There is only so far a person can move on, Mr. Monk." I knew he understood completely. "He was my husband," I said.

"You love him still," Mr. Monk said simply.

I swallowed. "I do."

There was a long pause. "You haven't moved one."

I shrugged. He was acting... weird. "You've seen me go on dates, Mr. Monk."

"But you haven't moved on."

I frowned. "Why are you so set on this?" I smiled slightly, only to show him my tone wasn't meant as harsh. "How do you know I haven't moved on, Mr. Monk?" I walk toward him, and lean against the opposite door frame, facing him still.

"You would've found someone. And stayed with them."

"Are you saying that I've never found someone worth staying with, Mr. Monk?" I asked. I furrowed my brows. "Never say never. I have Julie. And I have you."

He laughed. "Me? Don't be silly." He looked down at his nails, but I could tell that he was blushing.

"No, Mr. Monk. Really." I smiled, and shrugged. "You're my best friend. I love knowing you're here." He looked up, and he smiled a rare Monk Smile.

I laughed and threw my arms open. "Come on!" I said. He took a breath in, and almost hesitated. And then he hugged me.

_Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go_For years, I'd had that emptiness inside of me, but it was only at that moment had I realized that my friendship, aside from working for him, with Mr. Monk filled me. I'd felt myself smile widely when his arms wrapped around me.

He laid cheek on my head, and that was when I realized, I'd done something to fill him too.

I didn't ever want to let go.

* * *

**So, I know it's OOC, but it's impossible to get Monk's true character written down. **

**Should I finish? or was this simply horrible? haha. **

**Comments equal love. **

**-Rosie. **

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reveiws guys! Also, this chapter really doesn't have anything to do with the last. It's just a song that spread through two one-shots. **

**Awaywegoo.. **

**Monk POV. **

We sit at her breakfast table, directly across from each other. She is reading her old, battered copy of _Little Women,_ and I, the newspaper.

_Picture you're the queen of everything  
As far as the eye can see  
Under your command_

I watch her over the top of my paper; she seems so _composed._ She seems to have everything under control, as usual. This morning she drove me to my errands, brought me to her home, we had lunch... she's acting as if everything is normal. I, myself, feel like I'm falling apart- I feel my heart beating painfully in my throat, and my fingers twitch when not occupied (I am gripping the newspaper too tightly, and I'm constantly ripping the thin paper). I know this feeling too well. It's too familiar, too painful, this feeling I associate with loss and death.

**How can you be so calm about this?!**

And I see it- the twitch of her lip. And I know. She's trying to control her emotions.

Her composer is only what one can see.

_I will be your guardian  
When all is crumbling  
Steady your hand_

I stand abruptly, my chair making a _screech_ing sound against the tile floor.

"Natalie," I say, before sitting in the chair nearest to her, and without hesitation, take the book out of her hands. She looks at me, surprised, when I take her hands in mine.

"Mr. Monk," she says; that twitch of her lips is gone, but her mask of composer still remains lost; I can see how she really feels. She is afraid. "What's gotten into you?" She tries to move away from me, but I only hold her cold, thin hands tighter.

"Natalie," I try to say; my voice is hoarse from the unshed tears, and my words come out as croaks. I want so badly to say so much, but at this moment, all I can say is: "Natalie."

And I literally watch her crumble before my eyes. Her strong features melt sadly, her erect posture crumples. "Mr. Monk," she says softly, tears leaking from her blue eyes. "It was never supposed to end like this," she says so quietly, that I must strain to hear her voice.

_You can never say never  
Why we dont know when  
Time, time and time again  
Younger now then we were before_

"Hey." I frown and squeeze her hands, swallowing my fear. "It's not the end yet, so don't say... don't say that it is." Her lips tremble, and she ducks her head, her thin hair covering her face. "Natalie, look at me." She responds with nothing but a sniff. "God Natalie, _look _at me. You _can't_ act like this is the end."

She looks up at me now, her eyes wide and filled with tears, and she looks so _young. _My breath lodges in my chest, and I can't breath. She is too young to die, especially of _cancer_, and I though I am aged, I am too young to let someone go again.

"I... We..." I close my eyes, and clear my thoughts; but her face, sad and scared and beautiful, is burned in my retnas. I take a breath and open my eyes. "I've learned that if you say it's the end, it is. The outcome we fear most happens... we always live up to our expectations.

"So... God, Natalie... So don't say it's the end."

And I pull her into my arms, holding her against me with all I have.

_Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go_

My best friend cries softly against my chest, and I lay my cheek against her soft hair, hoping, praying, wishing for the first time in a long time for a miracle.

_Don't let me go... _

I will not let go.

* * *

**So, if you guys like this chapter, I think that I'm definitely going to turn it into a full blown story. It's been on my mind for a while, and this chapter might've been a good introduction or teaser of sorts... Sound like a good idea? If it were to be a story, it would probably explain some things... like how he's more comfortable touching her. Has anyone else noticed that in the show? So. Freaking. Happy. **

**Oh, and was this chapter any good? I'm sort of nervous about it.. hm. **

**Thanks loves, **

**-Rosie. **


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